Emptiness from an empty nest

See, I’m young now and so are my kids.  I know that it would be YEARS before I have to worry about the day I ship my last child off to college–especially since I haven’t even had my last child yet.  But I have always been that person who looks ahead in effort to stay prepared for whatever obstacles that may rear its head.

I know it’s early, but I can’t seem to figure how I would deal with an empty nest.  Will I rejoice and do back flips? Or will I sulk around the house and think about all of the times my kids gave me near heart attacks or the times they made me laugh until tears streamed down my eyes.

Will I be that clingy mother who calls their child every single day while they are away at college? Or will I be the type of mother who gives their child space? I know I am young but I can’t help but wonder about the day I ship my last child off to college and end up with an empty nest!

If you have experienced an empty nest, what are some of the ways you prepared for it? What are some of the ways you coped with it?

via Daily Prompt: Nest

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Move, B*tch!

On this beautiful day, Kia woke up determined to put an end to life as she’d known it.  She was a Senior in High School and she still found it hard to make eye contact with the opposite sex. Whenever a dude would ask her for something as simple as a pencil or even look her way the blood from her face would drain, turn into bodily fluids and come out from the lower part of her anatomy. To say she was still a virgin was simply an understatement–if that was even possible.  If there was anything more pure than a virgin then that was definitely her.

On the long the list of things that she hasn’t done thus far in her life, things having to do with the opposite sex was embarrassingly long.  Never looked a boy in the eyes, never had a conversation with a boy, never kissed a boy never even held a boy’s hand.  It was just all around pathetic and she was sick of being the only socially awkward girl in town.  Today, that was going to change.

This past weekend her cousin Lexy came by for a visit and if Kia felt like crap about herself before, she definitely felt worst after Lexy’s visit. The girls were only born one month apart and were more like sisters than cousins but due to the fact that Uncle Leroy had to move his family across town two months ago when he got that better job at the factory, the girls weren’t able to see each other as often as they used to. But, dang how much could have changed in just two months?

Apparently, every frickin’ thing.

Looking at Lexy used to be like looking in the mirror, but now it was like being Gretchen from Trolls looking at Barbie.  Kia could not believe her cousin’s transformation.  Oh, the betrayal.

Lexy walked different, talked different, she even dressed different and wore lip gloss! And when did she get boobs? Or that…big butt?

Kia’s mood the whole weekend was this . 

Lexy had a “whole boyfriend” as she put it, and gave Kia some pointers on how to get one herself and while Kia sat there trying to figure out if a “half boyfriend” meant a boyfriend with half a body, Lexy laid some heavy stuff on her.

“You’ll fuck around and be that old lady with twenty cats and cobwebs in her pussy if you don’t glow up soon, sis.”

And when the heck did Lexy start using foul language? So many questions, and not enough answers.  Kia was overwhelmed.

By the end of the visit, Lexy had taught Kia everything she knew about boys and how life worked and even decided to let Kia have all of the clothes in her over night bag. She told her to consider it a gift and while Kia appreciated it, she felt like a fish out of water. What the heck was she supposed to do with this stuff? The pants looked like a second layer of skin on her and the shirts were a too revealing for her taste. But then again, if she wanted to avoid being the cat lady, she was going to have to get used to this stuff.  Out with the “old lady attire” as Lexy called it and in with the “sexy sexy-me gear”

Looking at herself in the mirror before she left for school that morning, Kia inhaled and exhaled sharply. She was really going to do this. She couldn’t believe that she was really going to do this.

Walking the distance to school, she was aware of the stares she was getting and almost decided to marry the guy who delivered her first very first cat call but then she remembered what Lexy said, “be cool, and don’t let them see that their words effect you” so Kia tried her best to stifle her grin and keep her glee at bay.

Standing across the street from her school she saw the one reason why she often woke up to drenched panties in the morning.  Brandon Brown stood laughing with his group of friends then her heart stopped when he looked directly at her.  Her eyes darted to the spot on the ground at her feet–force of habit–and she felt herself having what she assumed was an on-coming panic attack.

Sneaking a glance upward, her knees began to wobble under her weight as she saw him walking towards her. She was sure she was going  to collapse and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get herself to move!

Glancing up again she saw his lips moving but couldn’t for the life of her understand what he was saying.  His dark brown eyes seemingly pierced into her flesh she wasn’t sure if she remembered how to breathe.  She was feeling a little lightheaded.

Suddenly he was inches from her body waving his hand at her.  Brandon Brown was Waving at Kia Howard! Oh, she could die happy now.  She sheepishly waved back and willed herself to relax. She gulped and straightened her back and looked into his eyes, trying her best to get a grip and understand the words he was saying but the romantic slow motion music that played in the background in her head muted his words.  She blinked and all she could hear was the honking of horns drowning out his words.

She blinked again and the honking got louder.

And louder.

And louder.

She was finally able to make out what he was saying,

“Yo! Move the fuck out of the way!”

She was confused.  Why was he yelling at her?  She finally gets his attention and the first thing he does is yell at her?  Talk about a turn off.

“Bitch, move! I’ll run you over I swear, I’m not afraid to go to jail!”

looking to her left, Kia saw a deranged woman in one of those red convertible type cars and behind that car was a long line of other cars and angry people and in front of her Brandon continued to yell something about being naked in the middle of the street.

Confused, she looked down and….

Her clothes were nowhere to be found.

Kia had never so much as uttered a curse word in her entire life but in this very moment she was rattled beyond disbelief, humiliated, horrified.  Why was this happening to her? Covering herself with her hands she yelled out,

“What the FUUUUUU–”

The annoying honking sound of her alarm clock jolted Kia upright.  Pulling the covers up she was relieved that she had her flannel pajamas on and that it had all been just a dream.

On this beautiful day, Kia decided it wasn’t going to be the day she would “glow up.” Maybe tomorrow.

via Daily Prompt: Honk

It wasn’t me!

There is nothing worse than being forced by your best friend to go to the gym with her when you already had your mind set on pigging out on a pint of Ben and Jerry’s cinnabon ice cream while sobbing over the latest episode of This Is Us.  There is absolutely nothing worse than being in the middle of a very compromising yoga position and having this propeller-sounding gust of air blow through the silent room.

All eyes on me.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Right, deny, deny,deny and deny some more.

It wasn’t me! It was probably the Air conditioner that was grinding overhead; perhaps something got stuck, or maybe it was a shootout happening outside, or maybe it was the seventy-year-old woman next to me–which would probably explain the smell, right? P-U, lady.

“You should probably take a laxative when you get home to clean yourself out, dear, and forget drinking soda and all of that sugary stuff you kids eat and drink these days, drink water and only water, because gee, kid, even I don’t smell that bad, and I’m older than God”, the old lady said.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t her. But it still wasn’t me!

 

via Daily Prompt: Deny

Straight ahead

It’s not that she didn’t want to finish her novel, she was just having a difficult time staying focused.  There was always some paper clip nearby that looked so lonely and needed to be fidgeted with, or a questionable stain on the carpet by her foot that she wondered about? How did that get there? Was it a pee stain from the pet of the previous renter? She wondered what the previous renter was like, was it a he or a she? were they old? What did they like to do?

What was that odd smell that kept wafting through the window? She snickered at the thought that the smell came from her grumpy old downstairs neighbor, perhaps the woman dropped a load in her depends–not that the thought really deserved to be dignified with a laugh, but she was out of her mind with exhaustion! She couldn’t think of what to write next.

Shaking herself free of her presumed writers block she placed her hands on the keyboard, her pinkies on the ‘A’ and Semi-colon keys, ringer fingers on the ‘S’ and ‘L’ keys, middle fingers on the ‘D’ and ‘K’ keys, and forefingers on the ‘F’ and ‘J’ keys, she was seriously going to get it together, she was going blow this first chapter out of the water.  It was going to be the best first chapter ever written by anyone in the world! Mark Twain was going to be calling her for tips on how to write such a eye grabbing best selling novel.

Wait, who is Mark Twain? She didn’t know the first thing about the man saved for the deep quotes she’d come across on when she scrolled through facebook and the fact that she knew he was probably old or…deceased…which would make things awkward; to have a dead man come from the grave asking questions.

Which reminded her she forgot to reply to her best friend’s message last night before she fell asleep.

Hey, sorry for the late reply Hon! Ugh, all of this writing is keeping me busy! But to answer your question, no, I will not be available for drinks tomorrow night, I’m trying to make my November deadline, I’m going to publish my first novel even if it kills me! Ha! love you! Talk soon!

A whole month was more than enough time to knock out a novel, right?

In a robotic, zombie-like trance she opened a new tab and typed in “Google.Com” and promptly sat there staring at the screen.  What did she come here for?

She giggled which somehow turned in a full blown fit of laughter.  Her cackles bounced off the walls, she bent over in her seat smacking her leg.

You know how you think of something funny then laugh at the fact that you found that thing funny then laugh at the fact that you actually thought about the fact that you found that thing funny and so on and so forth?

It wasn’t until she found herself on the floor gasping for air that she realized she probably had a problem that could be medically treated.  Was she going crazy? Has she officially lost her marbles? Is this what animals in the zoo felt like; being locked in a cage all day? Was that why the monkey’s often threw their feces at onlookers? Those poor animals.

She liked monkeys they were her favorite animals of all time and she didn’t believe the theory that humans evolved from monkeys.

Getting up off of the floor she glanced at the clock above her desk.  In big rectangular numbers, her digital clock read 11:59, she’d literally been sitting at her desk since 7 O’clock and the only thing she’d gotten down was the title which now didn’t feel so fitting for the story she had in mind.

Googling “how to write a novel” in search for ways she could regain her focus and get down to business, she was hit with an article detailing the importance of writing an outline when writing a novel.

Oh, right.  She was supposed to work on that yesterday.  Easy peasy! One outline coming up!

Psych!  Writing an outline was easier suggested than done! She struggled with finding a fitting name for her main character, her premise was clear, but she couldn’t get past figuring out a name! And that title, it has to go, no one would ever pick this book up and deem it interesting enough to read.  However, they shouldn’t judge a book by its cover–or title in this case, right?

Growl.  

When did she get a dog?

Growl.

What the heck was that?

Growl.

Looking down she found the culprit, her belly needed to refilled, obviously two cups of coffee wasn’t good enough for Mr. Tummy.

She snickered, “Mr. Tummy” She could write a children’s book called The Adventures of Mr. Tummy…or to make it interesting she could call it The Misadventures of Mr. Tummy, she could make her story about a tummy ache and the inevitable trip to the toilet that follows. Kids like gross things like that.  She’ll have to get down to writing that book ASAP! It shouldn’t be hard, it shouldn’t even take long, she just needed to find an illustrator.  Where does one find an illustrator?

She sat back staring at the screen again until her stomach growled to attention.  Right, time to eat!

While she prepared her lunch she turned on her blue-tooth speaker, connected her phone and put on the Spice Girls Pandora Radio.  She jammed and cooked and Jammed and cooked. She jammed while she ate, she jammed while she cleaned up the kitchen.  N’Sync’s Bye, Bye, Bye came on just as she was done putting the last of the crumbs she swept into her hand from her table into the garbage.

Oh, it was on now.  She tried her best to remember the routine she and her friends came up with for this song when they were carefree pre-teens, once upon a time.  For the most part she just improvised while she huffed for breath, sweat draining down her face as if she’d ran two blocks to get away from an army of mutant sized Rats she remembered seeing when she was growing up in New York City.  She needed to get in shape and entertained the thought of getting a gym membership, but when she sat down at her computer getting ready to look up some good deals for gym memberships she felt nothing but exhaustion.  A nap was necessary.  She’ll get back to her writing later on.

You all know how the story goes, she ended up putting her writing off for one more day…again.

via Daily Prompt: Focused

Yet so far away…

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but sometimes that isn’t always the case.  Sometimes absence can drive a bigger wedge between two people especially if the reason behind said absence is in bad taste.

Both people are left with that distant feeling where suddenly all of their good memories are ancient history and all of their bad memories seem like the only memories worth remembering.

How do you get back what you once had? Is there even a way to get it back? Or should both parties just accept the fact that it’s over?

via Daily Prompt: Distant

Help me understand…

I am always hearing how women tend to create imaginary situations in their heads and then one thought leads to another and so on and so forth.  But I don’t actually see the problem with that!

The way I see it, the more imaginary scenerios and situations we can come up with, the more prepared we will be in life!

“Hmm…if so and so said this and that to me, this is how I will smoothly respond and still have all of my self esteem in tact” and  “If Michael B. Jordan comes up to me and tells me I have a booger smeared on my cheek, this is how I will smoothly play it off” sounds a whole hella’va lot better than having so and so say this and that to me and then me standing there stuck on stupid or having Michael B. Jordan come up to me and tell me I have a booger smeared on my cheek and then me dying of embarrassment right in his face!

What’s wrong with being prepared?!

I mean the saying goes “expect the best but prepare for the worst” doesn’t it? I think that’s why a lot of dudes out there, when faced with “tricky situations” they resort to saying “I don’t know.” Well, you would know if you thought about the possibility of this situation happening, before!

You: Max, why did you cheat on me?

Max: I don’t know

Well, I know! It’s because Max, first off, is an idiot who couldn’t appreciate what he had and secondly, he didn’t think of the possibility of getting caught! Granted he shouldn’t have done it and if he thought of the possibility of cheating and all of the consequences that comes with cheating he wouldn’t have done it, now would he?

My point is, imaginary situations that are created in our heads aren’t all that bad, so keep on creating them!

 

via Daily Prompt: Imaginary

His Eyes

As she entered the room after tucking the children in, she asked her husband how his day was as she usually did.  He threw her a nonchalant “it was good” and she immediately felt a sense of panic travel up her spine and wrap her body like a cloak. Her husband was usually very talkative so she immediately knew that something was wrong.

“What’s wrong, honey” she asked reaching out to touch his hand.

He snatched it out of her reach and with eyes so empty responded “nothing”

After pleading and begging him to come out with what was wrong he finally did and her world rocked, tilted, turned then shattered.

“I’m not happy anymore, for the longest I felt like this marriage was a mistake”

She searched his eyes and found absolutely no trace of the man she once knew and fell in love with. What had she done wrong? Who was this cold man before her? What was she going to do? She’d given him ten years of her life, sacrificed so much to keep him and their family afloat and this was what she deserved in return?

She fell to her knees gasping for air, feeling as if the wind was sucked out of her. “Baby, please tell me what I can do to fix this; to make you happy”

“There’s nothing you can do, I haven’t been happy for a while”

He said all of this with too much ease, as if her pain had no effect on him.

Suddenly a quote she’d heard in a movie some years ago materialized in her mind, “A man never abandons ship unless he knows he has a lifeboat waiting for him nearby”

“Is there someone else?” she asked weakly, knowing the truth before he confirmed it by looking off to his right.

She stood on her knees shaking violently, tears gushing out of her eyes, “what am I supposed to do now?”

 

via Daily Prompt: Trace