It’s not that she didn’t want to finish her novel, she was just having a difficult time staying focused. There was always some paper clip nearby that looked so lonely and needed to be fidgeted with, or a questionable stain on the carpet by her foot that she wondered about? How did that get there? Was it a pee stain from the pet of the previous renter? She wondered what the previous renter was like, was it a he or a she? were they old? What did they like to do?
What was that odd smell that kept wafting through the window? She snickered at the thought that the smell came from her grumpy old downstairs neighbor, perhaps the woman dropped a load in her depends–not that the thought really deserved to be dignified with a laugh, but she was out of her mind with exhaustion! She couldn’t think of what to write next.
Shaking herself free of her presumed writers block she placed her hands on the keyboard, her pinkies on the ‘A’ and Semi-colon keys, ringer fingers on the ‘S’ and ‘L’ keys, middle fingers on the ‘D’ and ‘K’ keys, and forefingers on the ‘F’ and ‘J’ keys, she was seriously going to get it together, she was going blow this first chapter out of the water. It was going to be the best first chapter ever written by anyone in the world! Mark Twain was going to be calling her for tips on how to write such a eye grabbing best selling novel.
Wait, who is Mark Twain? She didn’t know the first thing about the man saved for the deep quotes she’d come across on when she scrolled through facebook and the fact that she knew he was probably old or…deceased…which would make things awkward; to have a dead man come from the grave asking questions.
Which reminded her she forgot to reply to her best friend’s message last night before she fell asleep.
Hey, sorry for the late reply Hon! Ugh, all of this writing is keeping me busy! But to answer your question, no, I will not be available for drinks tomorrow night, I’m trying to make my November deadline, I’m going to publish my first novel even if it kills me! Ha! love you! Talk soon!
A whole month was more than enough time to knock out a novel, right?
In a robotic, zombie-like trance she opened a new tab and typed in “Google.Com” and promptly sat there staring at the screen. What did she come here for?
She giggled which somehow turned in a full blown fit of laughter. Her cackles bounced off the walls, she bent over in her seat smacking her leg.
You know how you think of something funny then laugh at the fact that you found that thing funny then laugh at the fact that you actually thought about the fact that you found that thing funny and so on and so forth?
It wasn’t until she found herself on the floor gasping for air that she realized she probably had a problem that could be medically treated. Was she going crazy? Has she officially lost her marbles? Is this what animals in the zoo felt like; being locked in a cage all day? Was that why the monkey’s often threw their feces at onlookers? Those poor animals.
She liked monkeys they were her favorite animals of all time and she didn’t believe the theory that humans evolved from monkeys.
Getting up off of the floor she glanced at the clock above her desk. In big rectangular numbers, her digital clock read 11:59, she’d literally been sitting at her desk since 7 O’clock and the only thing she’d gotten down was the title which now didn’t feel so fitting for the story she had in mind.
Googling “how to write a novel” in search for ways she could regain her focus and get down to business, she was hit with an article detailing the importance of writing an outline when writing a novel.
Oh, right. She was supposed to work on that yesterday. Easy peasy! One outline coming up!
Psych! Writing an outline was easier suggested than done! She struggled with finding a fitting name for her main character, her premise was clear, but she couldn’t get past figuring out a name! And that title, it has to go, no one would ever pick this book up and deem it interesting enough to read. However, they shouldn’t judge a book by its cover–or title in this case, right?
When did she get a dog?
What the heck was that?
Looking down she found the culprit, her belly needed to refilled, obviously two cups of coffee wasn’t good enough for Mr. Tummy.
She snickered, “Mr. Tummy” She could write a children’s book called The Adventures of Mr. Tummy…or to make it interesting she could call it The Misadventures of Mr. Tummy, she could make her story about a tummy ache and the inevitable trip to the toilet that follows. Kids like gross things like that. She’ll have to get down to writing that book ASAP! It shouldn’t be hard, it shouldn’t even take long, she just needed to find an illustrator. Where does one find an illustrator?
She sat back staring at the screen again until her stomach growled to attention. Right, time to eat!
While she prepared her lunch she turned on her blue-tooth speaker, connected her phone and put on the Spice Girls Pandora Radio. She jammed and cooked and Jammed and cooked. She jammed while she ate, she jammed while she cleaned up the kitchen. N’Sync’s Bye, Bye, Bye came on just as she was done putting the last of the crumbs she swept into her hand from her table into the garbage.
Oh, it was on now. She tried her best to remember the routine she and her friends came up with for this song when they were carefree pre-teens, once upon a time. For the most part she just improvised while she huffed for breath, sweat draining down her face as if she’d ran two blocks to get away from an army of mutant sized Rats she remembered seeing when she was growing up in New York City. She needed to get in shape and entertained the thought of getting a gym membership, but when she sat down at her computer getting ready to look up some good deals for gym memberships she felt nothing but exhaustion. A nap was necessary. She’ll get back to her writing later on.
You all know how the story goes, she ended up putting her writing off for one more day…again.